Scripts, wooden alternatives and a developmental wish list by age, so every well-meaning relative gives a gift your child will still be playing with in five years.
The single most useful thing you can do before Christmas this year is send one thoughtful message to the grandparents. Research led by Kathy Hirsh-Pasek and Roberta Golinkoff, two of the world's most cited developmental psychologists, consistently shows that open-ended, hands-on play with simple objects produces stronger language, executive function and creativity outcomes than passive interaction with electronic toys. When relatives ask what your child would like, the honest developmental answer is: something that does less, so the child's mind can do more.
This guide gives you everything you need to make that case warmly, without a hint of lecture: ready-to-use scripts for every relative, a wish list by age, and reassuring answers to every push-back you are likely to receive. You do not need to ban screen toys from the household to benefit; you simply need to tip the balance at Christmas towards gifts that grow with your child rather than expire with the battery.
The evidence has been building for decades. Hart and Risley's landmark research established that the richness of a child's early play environment predicts vocabulary and cognitive outcomes far into school age. More recently, Jenny Radesky demonstrated that electronic toys with lights, sounds and pre-recorded voices reduce the quality and quantity of parent-child conversation during play: precisely the kind of back-and-forth that Patricia Kuhl and Andrew Meltzoff identify as essential for early language acquisition.
What the Research Actually Says
A study by Anna Sosa, published in JAMA Pediatrics, found that when families played with electronic toys, both parental word count and infant vocalisation dropped significantly compared with play using simple wooden or traditional toys. The toy that does less asks more of the people in the room, and that is exactly where learning happens.
Alison Gopnik's work on children as "the R&D department of the human species" frames this beautifully: young children are built to experiment, hypothesise and revise. A wooden stacking toy presents an infinite loop of trial, error and discovery. A toy that plays a pre-set animation when a button is pressed presents one correct answer. The former builds a scientist; the latter entertains one.
Most grandparents and aunts are not trying to undermine your parenting choices when they reach for the flashing toy on the shelf. They want to delight your child, to feel generous, and to be remembered as the person who gave the best gift. Your job is not to correct them but to redirect that generous impulse towards something that achieves all three goals and more. Lead with gratitude, follow with specificity, and close with a link or a list. Specificity is kindness: it removes the guesswork that sends a well-meaning relative straight to the electronics aisle.
"We are so lucky that [child] gets to have you involved in Christmas. This year we are trying to build a collection of toys that grow with her, so she is still playing with them at five. We have put together a little wish list, all traditional wooden things she can use with you when you visit. Would that be helpful to have?"
"You always find the most brilliant gifts. This year we are leaning into wooden and traditional toys, partly because the research on early play is quite compelling, and partly because they last so much longer. I have a list if you would like one; it has things at every price point."
"Whatever you choose will be loved, we know that. If it helps, the things [child] is really into at the moment are puzzles and stacking games: very tactile, very hands-on. But honestly, the best gift is the time you spend playing with him."
Jaques of London, established in 1795 and the world's oldest games company, has spent over two centuries refining exactly this kind of play. Their range of wooden toys and educational toys spans every age on the list above, making them a natural first stop when you share a wish list with relatives.
Adele Diamond on Executive Function
Neuroscientist Adele Diamond's research identifies three capacities most predictive of life outcomes: working memory, cognitive flexibility and inhibitory control. All three are exercised during open-ended play with physical objects and traditional games. None is meaningfully exercised by pressing a button to hear a pre-recorded response.
Jeffrey Trawick-Smith's TIMPANI toy study, which directly compared how children played with different categories of toys, found that unit blocks, puzzles and classic games produced the highest quality play across all developmental measures. The characteristics those toys share are precisely what Vygotsky called the "zone of proximal development": they ask children to stretch just beyond their current ability, with an adult or older child nearby to scaffold the next step. A wooden puzzle at the right complexity does this naturally. An electronic toy that celebrates every input equally does not.
The most effective wish lists are short, specific and include a range of price points. Aim for no more than eight to ten items. Note the age suitability against each one. Include at least two options under twenty pounds so that a colleague or neighbour does not feel excluded. Share the list via a single message with a direct link wherever possible, reducing the number of decisions the relative must make. A printed version tucked into a card sent to older relatives removes all technology barriers and tends to be received as charming rather than controlling.
"We are not removing screens from his life; we are just making sure Christmas is rich with the kind of play that really builds his brain. He has plenty of time for screens as he grows: right now the evidence is quite clear that hands-on play is where the development happens."
"Interestingly, the research suggests the opposite: spatial play with blocks and puzzles builds the mathematical thinking that underpins coding far better at this age than any app. Froebel worked this out in the nineteenth century and neuroscience has since confirmed it."
"Wooden toys can be extraordinarily exciting. A good set of skittles on Christmas morning produces more noise and laughter than almost anything with batteries. And next Christmas it will still be just as exciting."
It is never too late, and there is no need to frame this as a removal. Children under five are extraordinarily adaptable in their play preferences, particularly when a caregiver sits down and plays alongside them. Dimitri Christakis notes that the most important variable in any play session is not the toy but the engaged adult present. Introduce a wooden puzzle or a traditional game with your full attention and enthusiasm, and most children will follow that lead within minutes.
Lead with warmth and specificity rather than prohibition. Instead of "please don't buy screens," say "here are the things she would absolutely love." The scripts in this guide are designed precisely to redirect rather than refuse, keeping the relative feeling generous and included. Most people, when offered a clear and specific alternative, are relieved to have the decision made simpler for them.
A well-made wooden toy almost always costs less over its lifetime than its electronic equivalent, because it does not break, does not need batteries, and does not become obsolete when a software update is no longer supported. A set of skittles bought this Christmas will still be in use when your child starts school. Build your wish list with a genuine range of prices and point relatives towards classic games and traditional puzzles, where quality and affordability overlap most naturally.
This concern is usually resolved by two things: age-appropriateness and adult engagement. A toy chosen for the right developmental stage, one that is slightly challenging but achievable, will capture a child's attention reliably. Jeffrey Trawick-Smith's TIMPANI research found that children returned to high-quality open-ended toys far more consistently over time than to single-function alternatives. Play alongside your child for the first few sessions, follow their lead, and a good wooden toy will rarely gather dust for long.
Britain's oldest toy maker. Every toy open-ended, wooden, and built for exactly the kind of play the research recommends.